Better mood

After being really down on Thursday night Friday was pretty much the same. I met up with one of my friends and we walked down the centre to meet another from work. Had such a great time just chatting absolute rubbish to each other and complaining about our days. Then on Saturday my mum decides to come into my room and start belting out some major throwbacks and Sunday I went to the cinema with my gals. Monday was a pretty average day at school and I just kinda felt ‘normal’ I guess. Nothing major happened but I seemed to be really productive for a change. Finished an essay in music and my teacher praised me for being so quick with it and I’ve never felt more proud of myself for a silly little essay. Prelims are finally over soon which means I can get back into performing pieces of music and get back on track with my music programme. 6 pieces of music for drum kit and 4 for tuned percussion – I can do this!!

Au revoir mes amis ✌🏻

Help me

Feel like death warmed up. I sat crying for a solid two hours and I have no idea why. I couldn’t even catch my breath it was that bad.  Tiny little things are just getting to me today and usually I can just push them all aside but I can’t take it anymore. Feel like I mean fuck all to everybody and it’s getting to me so badly.  I don’t want this to be negative so I’m gonna leave it at that and post when I’m not feeling so low

16/01/17

Today I had a few free periods in a row in school and I spent them getting lunch with my friends. We had such an amazing time even though all we were doing was collecting some food.  I think this then put me into a bad mood later in the day because I sat overthinking for so long.

When study leave starts I’m barely going to see any of these people ever again.  It really got to me today, like, the people that I’ve spent the past six years with probably aren’t going to be a part of my life from May onwards.  Yeah I’m sure we’ll still talk occasionally but I highly doubt that I will still talk to most of them next year. They’ll all move away and get new pals at their Unis and be happy with their new surroundings etc. Just messed with me a bit more today. I mean obviously I know we weren’t going to be at school forever but I just want it to last a little longer. I feel I’m finally at a stage where I’m comfortable with myself and it’s starting to show.

After a while I couldn’t take it and I was putting myself in a bad place mentally so I took the dog out again. Harlow was pulling on her leash more than usual so I just kinda jogged alongside her then ended up sprinting for what seemed like an age. It was so nice knowing that every so often she’d stop and turn around to check if I was okay.  Made me felt like someone actually cared and it was nice.  Ended up back home after maybe an hourish and had a lovely message on my iPod. That really cheered me up💞
Au revoir mes amis✌🏻

Study success

Oh. My. Days.

Today was amazing. I had such a fantastic time with bæ and we actually got a good amount of work done!! I definitely recommend study dates😍

To be fair if I had spent the day in the house I’d probably have achieved nothing except showering. So to spend the day with my fave person while getting some school work done was definitely a bonus.

I just feel so much more motivated than I did even a few weeks ago and it’s amazing.  I’m less stressed as well because I feel like I’m finally getting a grip on life.

My life actually couldn’t get any better right now.

Au revoir mes amis✌🏻

Turn of events

Whoops I kinda forgot about this🙈. So just to catch you all up, still behind on school work, still feeling kinda ill, but the motivation has definitely increased. And I have a weird feeling it has to do with a certain someone😜

Obviously I can’t name the bæ on here but I can describe the hell out of her for you all to be jealous of😊

She’s honestly the most beautiful, caring, and thoughtful person I’ve met. Her eyes are this amazing pastel blue colour and they have a certain tumblr-ness to them.  Her rosy wee cheeks are most likely going to be the death of me – that’s as well as her stunning smile. Both of them combined just make my heart melt and send my mind into a frenzy.

We’ve been talking a while now and went to the cinema on Friday night to see La La Land. (Turns out its a musical, whoops🙈) I genuinely thought I was going to be sitting uncomfortably for the two hours that the film was on for but I actually didn’t. The film was surprisingly good although I didn’t see much of it. Kept peering out of the corner of my eyes at bæ. She looked so happy and it made me ecstatic seeing her like this. She’s just so petite all around it’s honestly adorable. Feel like my hands are massive holding hers though😂 Had a lovely night all in and I’m glad to be seeing her again on Sunday for a study date. Doubt I’ll get much done though!!
Au revoir mes amis✌🏻

Late night thoughts

Past few days have been pretty average to be honest. Not much has happened and I’m not feeling any different to how I was a few days ago.

Got a fair bit done yesterday in regards to personal life etc instead of school.

I’ve accepted my fate of failing Adv H English and I’m now working at my own pace. I reckon accepting it has finally put me into a good place because I’m not as stressed or mad at myself for being so far behind either. Spend most of my time editing little videos of someone jumping through a table into songs to make it fit in😂 a night well spent if you ask me🙈👌🏻 ahah I’m still doing it now but my laptop is refusing to hurry up and update🙄 it’s been going for at least half an hour now and it’s gonna stop me from getting any sleep!

Also did a music theory test and have accepted that I’m not capable of advanced higher😂 cried three times in the space of two hours so y’know. Probably going to get so much slack for it tomorrow as well from teachers because I left it to the last minute (again) 🙃

Ah well nothing I can do about it now just gotta stay positive and focus on the things I could do in it☺️

Au revoir mes amis✌🏻

Bad day off

Didn’t even attend school today. Woke up with a banging sore head and couldn’t even see. Yup it’s migraine season alright.

Woke up again at 12 and the little firework show had disappeared from my eyes and into my heart. Saw a message that said “Hope you sleep well lovely” and it made me smile from ear to ear.

After not doing much all day I finally went for a bath to try and clear the last of my immense headache. Mum had bought me this cool spray soap that you can mould into shapes and it was amazing. I played around with it for so long!!

Still feeling pretty rubbishy with my migraine but a certain someone has definitely improved my mood today!🔥

Au revoir mes amis✌🏻

Tuesday 3rd January 2016

Omg I’m actually getting worse. Yesterday I overslept by a little and messed up my sleeping routine yeah. But today aw nah. So my alarm was set for 7am and I woke up  – to turn off my alarm and go back to bed /.^

I eventually come downstairs at around about 13:10 and my little pupper couldn’t be happier to see me. After all it had been so long since she last saw me.

The fam came in from work at 2pm and I had only just finished my coco pops and washed the dishes. Oh my days man I’ve never slept in so long in my life!😂 

After getting changed I went out on a long walk. Took my book with me and got through a few chapters. I’m really starting to get into it and tbh I’ll be pretty gutted when I’ve finished it.

I have also accepted the fact that my dissertation won’t be handed in for tomorrow. Heck, I don’t even have a thesis statement yet!  I’m going to have a talk with teachers and tell them how I’m feeling about it all. I’m nowhere near as bad as I was even a fortnight ago though. Now I actually can sit down and work even if it is for half an hour etc. Before I was so reluctant thinking things like why should I waste 10 minutes setting up my laptop to then lay out all of my stationary and try and get back into a rhythm to only work for 5 minutes. Now I’m so far behind I’m literally using any time I have.

I also got a new laptop for Christmas which has been so helpful for doing my dissertation!
So my word of advice for anyone struggling with motivation; even if you are finding it difficult to get on top of things, it’ll all work out in the end! Slowly but surely things will start to fall into place, I can assure you of that. And if it doesn’t come to me and I’ll give you a hug and make everything okay☺️

Au revoir mes amis✌🏻

Day two (continued)

This is just going to be a short continuation post seeing as I posted earlier today.

Got some reading done today, not as much as I would have liked but hey ho. I was struggling to actually keep focused and really think about the words on the paper so I came up with an idea. 
Read a chapter of my book.

Have three races of a good Xbox game.

Rinse aaaannndddd repeat.
Not only was I looking forward to having that little ten minute break every so often, but it also helped me to hone in and actually take more effective notes about characters and setting etc. I think it was because my eyes weren’t stuck in the one place for too long. It was kind of the equivalent of getting up and having tea or eating a snack between studying. I think I’ll definitely continue doing this as it made reading my book a much more bearable task.  I mean, I do love reading – but I read for enjoyment, not simply because I  need to compare two books and write an essay about them. It was a huge task when I started a few days ago but I’m now on chapter 16 out of 28 so things are looking up!

Au revoir mes amis✌🏻

Day two

Back again🙈 Feeling pretty crappy today. My alarm was set for 8 this morning and I strolled out of bed at almost 11. I tried to get back into my school routine at least, eh? After having breakfast and having a little shower and doing my hair properly for the first time in days, I put on some of my new clothes from Christmas. I still didn’t feel too good but at least I didn’t look a mess.

I’ve got to find the motivation to sit down and do some work today though. My dissertation for Advanced Higher English was due on the 19th of December and I hadn’t even thought twice about it. I feel like I’m letting down my teachers already and it’s honestly the worst feeling in the world but I can’t seem to snap out of it.  Nobody’s pushing me to do anything because they want us to prepare for Uni and do more independent study but I’m just not ready. I still need to be pushed but they don’t understand that and all I’m doing is falling further and further behind.

So yeah, here’s hoping I can read a book then compare it to another in a 5000 word essay before Wednesday.

Au revoir mes amis✌🏻